A day in the life of..

I started this website for Tyler. I hope some day he will read it and feel proud that some of his past was recorded. I started it because I wanted to share with everyone the enjoyment he brings me on a daily basis. I started it because even though I don't talk to people every day on the phone, I want them to be involved in our lives and feel like they are part of it. I started it because I never want to forget the happiness I feel when I am with, talking about or thinking of Tyler. I go back and read my entries sometimes and feel so happy. I crack up. I cry. I get mad. I always wrote letters to Tyler, I have notebooks of them. I have letters to him from before he was ever even born. Some day he will be able to go back and know what I was feeling and what I was thinking at any given time. I may make mistakes and have regrets, but I find comfort in knowing that no matter what I do or how many mistakes I make, my son can go back in time and know without a shadow of a doubt that I love him. And through it all - I found my comfort and peace in loving him. Somehow, I see his precious face and the world seems right.

OK, onto the moths... Sunday I was in church and the homily was about a man who collected moths. This man, he loved moths. He thought they were amazing creatures and he loved them so much he collected them. He had hundreds of them. One day he was walking in the park and he saw a cocoon on a leaf and he cut the leaf off and took it home. He was so excited to have his own moth and he was going to protect and love it. One day he saw movement inside the cocoon and thought the moth was coming. It didn't come that day. On the second day, the same thing - he saw the moth struggling from inside the cocoon, but nothing. On the third day he saw the movement again and thought to himself, I hate to see my precious moth struggle I want to help it out. So, he cut the moth out of the cocoon. The moth was so beautiful and the man was so happy. The next day the moth died. The man was heartbroken. He tried to figure out why this happened and discovered that moths have to fight their way out of the cocoon, this is how they grow and develop. The man realized that by helping the moth, he killed the moth.

To Tyler I say this, I am fighting to find my way and feel so sorry that you are with me in this fight. My promise to you is to love you unconditionally and always make sure you know how loved and truly special you are. I love you my son and would move mountains to make you happy. I never want you to feel my burdens. Be happy and feel light. Trust in me. It's you and me buddy.

Tyler spent the day with Steve yesterday, they went to Busch Gardens and swimming. Tyler was of course in comedic form. They were driving past a place that was for rent and Tyler said, "I hate renting! Renting is wasting all of your money. Do you know that my dad paid some guy a million dollars in rent and got nothing?!"

Tyler went on a field trip at summer camp the other day and he got his face painted. Kids love getting their faces painted right? I don't get it, but Tyler always want to do it. He has had his face painted countless different things; spiderman, batman, the scorpion, etc... So after summer camp Mike picked him up and they went to Mike's softball game. I was playing my softball game at work, so when it was over I went to Mike's game to pick up Tyler. He had been playing with the kids and was sweating! By the time I saw him, his face looked scary! I thought he was dying! His face looked like it was covered in dripping blood! Whatever he had his face painted was red, and he was sweating so bad the whole thing was just dripping off his face! I asked Tyler, "What was that supposed to be?" He replied, "It is what it is supposed to be!" So I push him, "well what was it supposed to be?" His response - "Nothing!" Boy that kid is something.

It's off to Target for me and Tyler. Of course, being the wonderful mother that I am, I wait until 7:00 to go because I know that Tyler has to come inside at that time and he won't be mad that I cut his playing time short. Right? Wrong. He was already mad at me so we go anyway and I am being super fast getting everything I need quickly so we can get back home. Those of you that know me - KNOW - this is hard for me. I love Target! I was just rushing past all the things I love. Ugh! So, I get o the check out line and I see the 2 gift cards that Tyler got for his birthday and I think to myself, "Big deal, he never spends his own money anyway, so I will use them and give him cash." This is really what was going through my head. So I hand the lady the 2 $15 gift cards. I didn't even think of saying anything to Tyler at all. He doesn't even know what a gift card looks like and he isn't paying any attention to me anyhow. As soon as the lady takes them he busts out, "Are those MY gift cards?" I reply yes and he looks at me with this look of utter disbelief. How dare I? Even the lady in the line was like scared to use them. She asked me if I was sure. Hello, who is the mother here? Yes I am sure. I tell Tyler, "Don't worry son, I will pay you cold hard cash - isn't that better than Target money?" He looks at me (with that look still on his face) and says, "I just know you won't even give me the money." Who does he think he is? He is the biggest money grubber ever! I always give him all his money! The lady at Target thinks I am the biggest dirt ball mother ever. Great.

Tyler started summer camp on Wednesday. I could tell in the morning when I was going to drop him off that he was nervous. I think it is funny to see him like that since he really hardly ever is. If any child ever had confidence it is this one. So we get there and there is a group of boys playing so I walk Tyler over to them and say this is Tyler - what are your names? They answer and one kid says, "Oh yeah, I know all about Tyler - he plays baseball where I play baseball." Boom - friendship born. Tyler was all grins when I left.

I picked him up and he was just thrilled! "I love this summer camp! There are 2 kids from my school and 2 from baseball! AND ONLY 1 BULLY!" Well thank goodness! I hope he likes it. They all seem really nice and they have a ton of fun things planned. Today he was going on a field trip, so that should be fun.

Tyler spent the weekend with Scott. It was a long weekend, and Max and Linda were here, so it was action packed I am sure. Scott moved into his new place, so Tyler got the room he's always dreamed of - red and black walls included! Tyler has always said he wants a house with stairs in it, so I am sure he is super excited about that! Anyway, he had a busy weekend, he moved, went to Berns and who knows what else because the kid won't tell me!!! He is in his one word answer mode and won't tell me anything. Did you have fun? Shrug. Do you like your new room? Shrug. Did you have fun with nana and papa? Shrug. AHHHHH! He is his father for sure during times like this. So Tuesday morning he wakes up for school and the ONLY thing he has to say about his weekend is this: "Owww. My dad got me a sunburn this weekend!" Great. Sure enough he is burned, so I guess I can deduct that they went to the pool. He said his dad doesn't have any sunscreen. I think it is pretty funny that he blames it on Scott. Serves him right.